Is caring for yourself really putting toxic, life threatening things into your body?

I quit drinking.

Some super stressful shit happened in my life and I woke up and just needed to be clear headed through it all. I wanted to re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol, my failing health, my crappy finances, my mental well-being, and even my career.

I had the blood pressure of a 90 year old, my panic attacks were getting worse and more frequent, I was waking up in the middle of the night and staying awake, I was starting to get judgmental looks from the folks at the recycling depot, and I was just generally unhappy with my life.

It’s been 20 days and 18 hours days since I last sat in the den with a good book and my trusty glass of red wine. I still read, of course. I just reach for tea instead of my usual glass of “self-care” That’s what helped me to relax, and forget my worries- have a lovely glass and stop stressing over the crap happening to and around me, and wine… wine said; “Don’t you worry. I’ve got you, girl!”.

As a result, for a long time, drinking was my primary form of self-care. Forget the gym, spa days or massages, all I needed was two/three/four/five glasses of wine. After that I was good as new. By which I mean I’d forgotten what I was stressed about, and my only concerns were stuffing my face and making sure I was drunk enough to fall asleep, fast.

Hangovers were another fantastic opportunity to be good to myself. Nursing my body and brain better with greasy fast food and re-runs of every crime TV show on earth was the height of relaxation. At least, it was once I’d received reassuring replies to the drunk texts I’d sent out the night before.

Clearly drinking is closer to self-medicating than self-care much of the time.

So I quit drinking.

| 20 days alcohol free. |

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