I may want too or have wanted to have a good relationship with my mother at one time. I may have even forgiven most, if not all of her unconscionable behavior. But, she’s still hell-bent on sabotaging my life.
Unfortunately, my mother isn’t one that can be a trusted source of comfort, advice and unconditional love. When your mother is a Psychopath everything is about her.
My mothers’ behavior frequently caused me moral anguish, producing a profound internal emotional battle between guilt and shame.
10 ways a psychopathic mother sabotages her daughter’s life.
SHE ABUSES YOU, THEN PLAYS THE VICTIM WHEN YOU REACT
She abuses you until you emotionally react and then plays the victim. Blaming you for abusing her.
She typically responds with an incredible and often over-the-top outburst of anger; followed by tears, guilt-trips, and blatant lying. Your psychopathic mother will accuse you of being the bad guy after being the one who abused you. Your logical request for respect makes you the villain and her, the victim.
SHE IS UNBELIEVABLY INTRUSIVE
There has never been any privacy and she will not respect any attempt to create healthy boundaries in your relationship.
She feels entitled to and demands full access to every area of your life. If you deny her this “right”, she will scheme crafty ways to punish you.
She may be known to call several times per-day, befriend your friends, message your spouse or drive by your house.
SHE ACTS JEALOUS AND COMPETITIVE
Most mothers are their daughters’ best friend, they want to see them succeed and accomplish greater things than they ever imagined.
Unfortunately, a psychopathic mother views her daughter as an extension of herself. When she looks at you, she sees her own youth, beauty, and potential.
This heightens fear of her own mortality as her daughter grows into a young woman, making her feel the need to compete. This jealously fuels her to actively destroy her daughters’ self-esteem.
Example: My grandparents were a great support to me, my grandfather paid a lot of attention to me and my mother become very jealous and would punish me every time I left their home.
SHE NURTURES SELF-DOUBT AND INSECURITY IN YOU
In an effort to control you, and ensure that you are dependent on her, she will impose self-doubt and create a deep sense of insecurity. Without your dependence on her, she’s not able to control your life. And this will result in less attention directed towards her.
Unfortunately, throughout life, she enforces the idea that you aren’t able to make choices, or decisions without first seeking her approval.
SHE INTENTIONALLY UNDERMINES AND EMBARRASSES YOU
She does this for three reasons:
To make sure you never look better than her
To destroy your self-esteem and independence
To discredit you should you ever share her dirty little secret.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE DOESN’T EXIST
Healthy parents love their children, no matter what. Trust me, I’m a mom.
Psychopathic mothers don’t have the ability to love their children because they lack empathy.
Her love is given when you are doing something for her or succeeding at something that she deems important.
Example: My mother often grounded me for two months at a time because she was working nights and needed someone to watch and cook for my brothers. One night, she ungrounded me and handed me a $20 bill on the condition that I have my friend call the house in an hour and threaten her, claiming she was her boyfriends’ ex-wife so she could record it and play it for him. I did, and I was loved that day. She was happy and I was able to spend a few hours with friends and eat a meal at their house.
The only other way I experienced “love” by my mother when she missed the attention she received from me.
SHE CONFUSES YOUR REALITY
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse to makes the victim feel like they’re going crazy.
If you try to talk to your mother about her behavior you’re met with:
“That never happened, I don’t remember that.”
“Why would I ever do that! I never did that!”
This causes you to consistently second-guess your own reality and lose confidence in your own ability to manage your thoughts and actions. As a result, you’ll find yourself constantly asking for a second opinion and seeking validation in your adult life.
EMPATHY DOESN’T EXIST IN HER
Most mothers are there to support and comfort you during difficult trials in your life. But your mom doesn’t have the ability to empathize with your pain – emotional or physical.
She is able to feign empathy, but it is for show.
SHE IS ALWAYS THE VICTIM
Anytime that she may be at fault, she will immediately set out to victimize herself.
When you disagree, you are attacking her
If you confront her in a lie, she accuses you of something worse
You are the one who needs to apologize. It is your job to fix the problem, which is you.
SHE SABOTAGES YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Growing up, she always said that my friends weren’t good enough if they didn’t immediately warm up to her and give her attention.
As you age, your mother will not stop interfering in this part of your personal life.
She may even try to deliberately sabotage your relationships by telling your family, friends and significant other elaborate stories about you and planting seeds of doubt your character.
If she feels that a relationship is getting in the way of your dependency on her, she will attempt to end it with gossip, lies, and rumors. Leaving you deeply lonely, mistrusting and dependent on her.
THE UNLOVED DAUGHTER
As far back as I can remember, I've done nothing but endure. Somehow, I believed in my own inherent goodness and humanity and was able to carry that into my adult life. I'd never set out cause anybody undue harm and despite what my psychopathic mother continues to do, I am devoted to doing things the right way. I am devoted to keeping my integrity.
Dear unloved daughter, I see you and I send my love.